Updated: Mar 3, 2019
Let's face it - every single couple that decides to get married gets a TON of unsolicited advice about the wedding, about moving in together (if you haven't already), and all of the well wishes in the world. I want to talk about the things they don't tell you.
1. Marriage is HARD:
Ok, ok - hear me out. I have had countless couples come to me either individually or together in the room and say, "No one told us it was going to be hard, I mean not like this." You walk in expecting there to be some growing pains, but what you didn't expect was how many little things you would be adjusting to, or how fitting in with their family feels different than it did before you were married. Maybe you didn't expect that first big argument would have the word "divorce" creep into your mind even for just a second.
2. There will be days you go to bed mad & it is ok:
Seriously. Don't buy into the wives tale that you should never go to bed angry. If you're steaming and so are they, then take care of yourself, take your time and come back to the conversation when you're both ready - even if that means that you need to sleep on it.
3. Money conversations will make you skirmish:
Things just get a little weird when you start talking about combining finances. Your stuff comes up, their stuff comes up, and questions about that really cute bag from Target or those new hiking boots may take you back to moments where you were getting scolded by your parents. You're not alone if balancing the checkbook with your partner makes you cringe.
4. You're Not Required to do Everything Together:
You may find yourself wanting some alone time, or wanting to do those things that you did when you lived alone (you know those habits - we all have them - don't lie). It's normal to feel like you need to get away a little bit. It's also ok if they don't want to spend time with you every spare second they have. A little autonomy gives you more information to talk about when do get together.
5. It's Normal to Not Have Sex Everyday:
It is also totally ok if you do. However what I hear is that sometimes there is an expectation that newlyweds jump each other's bones all day everyday and that if you're not there is something wrong with you. Trust me when I tell you - not everyone does this. It's totally normal and healthy to fall into your own rhythm (pun intended).
If these points resonate with you and you're finding it hard to navigate the waters of your new relationship status, give me a call. We have openings to see couples from all walks of life, and even intern options for those that may not be able to afford the full fees. Just remember, each relationship is as unique as the persons in it and you will find a path that's all your own.
Enjoy the journey fellow travelers!